I’m currently in the process of de-cluttering my room. My drawers are filled with makeup and journals from middle school. My walls are covered in One Direction posters. And my book shelves are overflowing… though, I don’t consider that kind of clutter to be too awful. However, now that I am in college, and beginning to think about the future process of moving out to live on my own, the plethora of unneeded knick knacks and neglected clothes that take up every inch of organized space in my room is beginning to stress me out.
This clutter extends far beyond my bedroom. This year, due to workload and numerous unfortunate circumstances that demand my attention, my faith has dwindled. I find myself praying only in times when I am in dire need. I can’t remember the last time I prayed just to pray. I began the year being really disciplined in doing my devotionals and journaling, but as the year progressed and the world around me began to crumble, I realized I had to put my Bible down to pick up the pieces.
I am not proud of this. But in the moment, I felt it was what I needed to do to survive — put God on the back burner until everything calmed down enough that I was able to redirect my attention to Him. I’m now beginning to see that things won’t calm down for quite a while, and this scares me.
Then, I think about God’s devotion to me.
Our world is currently plagued with war, corruption, and death. Refugee children are dying, we have a presidential candidate that wants to physically separate God’s children by building a wall, the racism and discrimination in our country that has always lurked in the shadows of our flag are now emerging into the light, and it is honestly terrifying. God watches all of this heaviness with a tearful eye. His children are turning on each other. His world is turning cold and dark. And with all of this, He still will always have time for us.
It’s amazing to think that with all of the “clutter” God has going on right now, and there is a lot, He never puts up the “do not disturb” sign. He listens to us. Even when we fail to speak directly to Him, He knows our desires. And even with all of this disorder in the world, He still has the time to embrace you and hold you when you need to ugly-sob.
Have you ever known anyone to love like that?
In my last post, I talked about how there are insecurities that we choose to never reveal to those around us. They are the monsters that lurk in the ocean’s darkest realms, sometimes going their entire lives undiscovered by others, maybe even undiscovered by us. God knows these monsters. He knows their existence and their purpose. He knows their intentions. He knows the damage they have done and will do, even when we are not able to see these things, ourselves. And He loves us despite the darkest creatures in our “oceans.”
Let us remember that God has the ability to tame the untamable. He can quiet nature’s most violent moments.
“Who stilled the roaring of the seas,
the roaring of their waves,
and the turmoil of the nations.”
I thought that when summer began, stress from school would subside, but then I enrolled in summer courses. I thought that the other chaotic aspects of my life would begin to resolve, yet I am still waiting.
If I have to wait until the next season of peace enters my life, I have a feeling I am going to be waiting for a long, long time.
I am impatient.
And yet, God has been incredibly patient with me.
It’s time for change. I know I can only have so much control over the things that happen to me. Many of them I don’t see coming, and most of them were not preventable. But one thing that I have control over is my time spent with God. I know that God is always present. He’s always here and always listening. But I have the ability to make the choice to pick back up that Bible and leave the debris on the ground. I know that in time, I will be given a free hand to clean up what’s been broken.